“Wheels Up!” is what you exclaim when the plane has taken off. PCS-ing* is a drawn-out process, but the moment when the plane wheels lift up defines the moment of departure, the point of no return. It’s the timestamp of when you moved on.
*PCS’ing = “Permanent Change of Station”-ing = moving, in State-ese.
**No.
Our “wheels up” moment is today! People deep in government buildings have talked to other people deep in other government buildings. They’ve all rolled their eyes together at our clerical errors, but then stamped our applications in spite of them.
“So I wait in line, I’m a modern man
And the people behind me, they can’t understand
Makes me feel like
Something don’t feel right
Like a record that’s skipping
I’m a modern man
And the clock keeps ticking
I’m a modern man
Makes me feel like
Makes me feel like”
-Arcade Fire
Here I am — the fellow who said he would never fly.
Well, I never said “never,” but I certainly don’t enjoy flying. And the government systems for booking travel are as antiquated and bureaucratic as you might imagine they would be. HOURS on the phone!
The “Fly America Act” stipulates that when taxpayers are paying for plane tickets, those dollars must go toward US-flagged carriers. As the travelers, our priorities are a short itinerary and comfort. As the payers, the government’s priorities are the Fly America Act, and the lowest possible price. Obviously, our priorities are at odds 😂, and obviously, the government wins this one. Bottom line: we have to take 3 flights instead of two 😭. With 3 brave, brave kids!
State throws us a few bones: we get $300 per person to spend on economy upgrades… but with an itinerary that spans 3 countries and 3 airlines, that money doesn’t go far.
We’ll have brief stopovers in Germany and Turkey enroute to Bishkek.
This time around, we’ve decided not to leave the airport, sadly. Layover sightseeing will be more doable when the kids are older.
So that’s how we get to Bishkek. Then there’s our stuff. Gah, we have too much stuff!
If you were ever curious, here’s what happens to your stuff when you’re in the foreign service. Ideally, you’d put all your stuff in a pile, burn it, and collect the insurance money. Actually, most of it sits in a warehouse called “Hagerstown:”
And when you go to the warehouse, you see things like:
It’s not ours, and we don’t condone it!!! To be clear: We’re against this!
Some of your stuff, the State department puts it on a plane, and then they fly over your city and push it out the back with a parachute. Hopefully, it’s not too windy that day, or you’ll have to ask your neighbor to get it back.
Some of your stuff, you pack it into dozens upon dozens of suitcases, which you shlep through airports.
And some of your stuff, you ship it to yourself at the “diplomatic post office,” in flat rate boxes, which you haul in your toddler’s stroller to the apartment lobby for pickup.
On another note…
The most venomous of the cobras is the Caspian Cobra, endemic to Central Asia.
(The kiddos taught me that a creature is “poisonous” when you don’t want to bite it, and “venomous” when you don’t want it to bite you – thank you, Wild Kratts for teaching 1st graders what they really need to know to get by in this world!)
The venom of the 4-foot-long Caspian Cobra contains mostly neurotoxins (interrupt the nervous system), with some cytotoxins (damage tissues) and cardiotoxins (stop the heart) thrown in for fun.
🎵 Snakes just wanna have fuh-un! 🎵
There is an effective antivenom, which can prevent death after a bite.
If you were bitten by a Caspian Cobra while enjoying a weekend hike in Kyrgyzstan (unlikely!), could you get antivenom at the American Embassy in Bishkek?
Great question! Someone should figure that out, don’t you think?! Oh wait – that’s my job! While it’s easy to get lost in all the to-do’s like buying plane tickets and ensuring our stuff will get from place to place, there’s still my *actual* job to keep up on. And seriously, that’s the fun part. Snake bites? How cool is that!
Note for grandparents: your grandchildren will be in Bishkek, hundreds of miles from the nearest cobra.
Consumables
Yes, one of my jobs is to make sure my patients can get cobra antivenom in Bishkek; ANOTHER of my jobs is to make sure my family can get chocolate chips in Bishkek. It’s *highly* unlikely that we’ll need the antivenom, but certain that we’ll need the chocolate chips. And peanut butter, and dozens of other items that we expect will be hard to get locally.
Some posts are well stocked, and others are austere; State handles this variance by paying for a “consumables shipment” for some posts – including Bishkek! Our Costco shipment went something like:
“Honey, how many Goldfish do you think the kids can eat in 2 years? Let’s see… 20 pounds per kid, per month, times 24 months… 🤔”
“Do you think 4 bags of chocolate chips is enough? That’s…. 18 pounds. How many pounds of chocolate chips is enough?”
“How fast will a half-gallon of olive oil go bad? Should I grab a full gallon?”
In the end, we were really just tossing random amounts of random things in the cart. In a few months when it arrives, we’ll be all:
Love you, wish us luck! Thanks to all our friends and family (and taxpayers! 🤣) for supporting us. ♥♥♥
Next post from the other side of the wonderful world! 🌏